Here’s the truth: It’s tough to parent your parent. I say this as someone who has just spent a few weeks at my parents house working on a special project – so please know I feel you right now. Especially when it comes to money conversations, they are loaded with generational habits, unspoken shame and very real structural barriers - especially for women who’ve been underpaid, carried the mental load, and often sacrificed their financial security for family.

If you’re in Melbourne, you’re in luck... next month I am speaking to women and their adult daughters on all things money. You can find further info on the event below, could be the perfect way to start the conversation!

Some other ideas:

→ Get curious, not critical. Try asking open-ended questions that show you are genuinely interested in her opinion or that you want to offer your support: “What do you wish you did sooner with your money?” “What’s a big money mistake you would hate for me to make?” or, if you know she needs more targeted questions to help her you can try “How are you feeling about money at the moment?” or “What’s stressing you out when it comes to your finances?” Be honest about your fears and where you can support her.

→ Focus on shared goals. Instead of tackling "overspending," explore what she wants - more ease? Less stress? A future she feels safe in?

→ Offer support, not solutions. Maybe you could review a few numbers together, set up a simple tracker, or even suggest learning together - some of our community members do this as a family and it can create a safe place to have important conversations.

→ Protect your peace too. If you're already worried about becoming her financial back-up plan, it’s okay to put boundaries around what you can realistically take on.

Remember: Family dynamics are complicated at the best of times. Don’t feel you need to take on the full burden and make it very clear where you can (and can’t offer support). We need to put our oxygen mask on first. Be curious, kind, empathetic. If she wants it give gentle guidance, help her with small steps and get her into a community that can support her to start using her income to plan for the future.

Jess

Have a money dilemma?

Money dilemmas can be a nightmare! They can leave you up all night ruminating about what to do, have you feeling alone and isolated or just plain ol' stuck. So, we are here to help. I am going to tackle one a week and give you my unbiased, no BS general thoughts on how to tackle your conundrum. We would love for you to send yours (or someone you know) in. 

Obvs all of this is general advice only... especially important to note any and all of the comments above do not take into account your objectives, financial situation or needs. Before acting on any information, you should consider the appropriateness of the information provided and the nature of the relevant financial product having regard to your objectives, financial situation and needs.