YOUR WEEKLY MONEY DILEMMA
Single and have two children 9 and 7.. I have 2.5 years until high school. The current debate is private or state school. Huge difference in cost... I need to have a conversation with their dad and I'm nervous... He is for state school and I am for private. As a single Mama I cannot afford $35K per child each year - if he agrees to 50% the pressure is reduced, but s%@t private education is expensive! How to approach a conversation that involves money? It wasn't easy during our marriage, therefore it is highly unlikely to be since we are divorced...
Ok, this is a juicy one for us to tackle as our first money dilemma!
Having helped a heap of couples through this exact conversation (albeit not divorced, sometimes on the verge of it based on this subject alone)… This is a topic that divides even the closest of couples or friends (take note if you are looking for a good dinner party conversation starter!). People tend to have strong views on pros and cons of each side. Neither is right or wrong... but when you have separated from the other person who you want to foot a chunk of the bill... it makes it a WHOLE heap harder.
The pragmatic considerations need to be: Cost, the proximity of the school to each of your houses, and what is best for each child (my parents sent us each to different high schools, as we all had different interests and needs. Logistically annoying, but we each got our respective bus and were more independent for it).
Futurity recently put together this little Cost of Education report... which frankly is terrifying. They say the average national (metro) cost for schooling, all of it, is about $87k for Public schooling, $184k for Catholic schooling and $300k for an Independent school education. I note you say $35k per child for high school... times two. I make that about $420k in post-tax income. Without factoring in inflation, or feeding them.
I think the best thing to do here is both decide that this is an important topic that you need to arrange a time to discuss further together. We must normalise having conversations about money, both within a relationship and afterwards when there are kids involved. Things can easily get heated quickly so let them know what you want to discuss ahead of time so they aren't blindsided and ask them if there is anything they want to address too, this will give you the time and space to think clearly on it when you meet. On this topic, its likely each of you will have strong views, so making sure you’re both prepared to *actually* listen to each other's thoughts and concerns. This is no doubt easier said than done, I am sure.
Given we are talking about a very large chunk of change, consider what impact will it have on both of your respective financial worlds? If your ex has a really large income, it would no doubt be frustrating that they don’t see the value for the spend, but I promise you I have seen people on large incomes who really don’t want to send their kids to Private school and others don’t have much left at the end of the month. Sure, this might be due to their rather large house or fancy car... but ultimately, we can’t force them to pay for half of a very expensive school when there are other options and on a single income (in this economy!) I would say it’s too big a cost to shoulder alone. Make sure you research to see if there are scholarship opportunities available for some of the schools you would like them to go to.
Whilst I know you really want to be able to send your kids to Private school, I do want you to consider if there an option for to redirect some of the money that you would spend on school fees to do other things. If its connections with what I would call ‘Private school people’ you are after... maybe your kids could do rich kid things (I say this as someone who knew no rich kids growing up, so this is part guess and part academic research from watching The Hills in the early 2000’s) like sailing, tennis, polo or skiing?
Could you pour some cash into areas that are meaningful to your children? If they like drama, can you use that cash to go to an award-winning but eye wateringly expensive performing arts program? Or get them tutoring in an area they need help with, or are passionate about? Could you go on a family trip somewhere that will open their eyes to new experiences, worldly views... Could you use some of that money to help them start a small business that interests them? Could you instead create an investment portfolio that vests for each of them at age 25, or buy a small investment property (this is a random one but stick with me), that could either give you long term housing security (meaning you won’t worry later in life that you would be a financial burden on them) or be able to keep it until they have both become adults and sell it with any profits split between them (knowing you would have CGT to pay on the gains and a heap of ongoing costs to consider before you plunge on in).
I hope you get the outcome you are looking for, but if you get no luck, I want you to know that plenty of wildly successful people went to public school. People like Warren Buffet, Oprah Winfrey, Steve Jobs and Jeff Bezos. Some of the richest people in the world! So, it's not a precursor to a successful life. It’s a personal choice that every family must make, made much harder when two parents have two different ideas and live in two different houses.
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Money dilemmas can be a nightmare! They can leave you up all night ruminating about what to do, have you feeling alone and isolated or just plain ol' stuck. So, we are here to help. I am going to tackle one a week and give you my unbiased, no BS general thoughts on how to tackle your conundrum. We would love for you to send yours (or someone you know) in.
Obvs all of this is general advice only... especially important to note any and all of the comments above do not take into account your objectives, financial situation or needs. Before acting on any information, you should consider the appropriateness of the information provided and the nature of the relevant financial product having regard to your objectives, financial situation and needs.
