YANTAH

Which stands for You Are Not The A** H***. But these kind of situations can be tricky to navigate.

 The first thing to point out is that if someone chooses to have an international (or interstate for that matter) wedding, that’s totally their call. But, it’s absolutely your call to decide if you attend. If you plan on a wedding like that, you should be well aware that not everyone is going to be in a financial position to afford it. It’s as simple as that. Saying no is completely acceptable and you both shouldn’t feel one ounce of guilt or shame in doing so.

 If you aren’t going to attend, telling your friends sooner rather than later is best – so that they can manage their logistics (and costs). Make sure when you let them know it was a difficult decision for you both and that it’s not a reflection on how important they are as friends to you. Organising a nice dinner before they go, or a thoughtful gift that could be delivered on their wedding day might be a nice idea to show how much you love and care for them. If it is a no, then your job is to be ready for their emotions (which is totally fine for them to have, they obviously love you both and naturally will be sad you aren’t there to celebrate with them), but not take on any levels of shame, guilt, embarrassment about it. It is what it is. Harsh but importantly, true.

 The other thing to think about, is do you actually want to go? Would it be something you regretted later on if you didn’t? If that might be the case, then sit down and figure out if it could even be feasible (could you save more, sell some old stuff or bring in some extra income to make it happen)? What would the impact be for your other goals? Would you lose your emergency savings, have to delay buying a property or being able to upgrade your car or wait for another year to get a dog? Only you can decide what trade-offs are worth it (except draining emergency funds, this my friend is in no way shape or form considered an emergency). Think about the impact of saying yes, but also the impact of saying no to something.

 We all are constantly making daily choices that have ripple effects and require trade-offs. You never need to be shamed into spending money on anything that isn't aligned with your Ideal Life (except, like bills and stuff, you know what I mean). You can be kind and empathic in your delivery, and remain great friends irrespective of the decision, you just need to figure out which one is best for you.

Have a money dilemma?

Money dilemmas can be a nightmare! They can leave you up all night ruminating about what to do, have you feeling alone and isolated or just plain ol' stuck. So, we are here to help. I am going to tackle one a week and give you my unbiased, no BS general thoughts on how to tackle your conundrum. We would love for you to send yours (or someone you know) in. 

Obvs all of this is general advice only... especially important to note any and all of the comments above do not take into account your objectives, financial situation or needs. Before acting on any information, you should consider the appropriateness of the information provided and the nature of the relevant financial product having regard to your objectives, financial situation and needs.